Christmas Fun

In the Nativity season, we celebrate the coming of our great and mighty, just and merciful King. We never taught our children to believe in Santa Claus, although we never did mind if they had fun with the idea, and certainly did not want him to displace Jesus as the focus of our celebration.

That said, the whole Santa Claus idea can be fun, especially when dressed up in an imaginative poem like the one sent to me by my barber. It's a takeoff on Clement Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas". I thought the kind of people who read my stuff might also enjoy this:

Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and
foreboding,
As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading.
The empties
from autumn were polished so clear
For primers and powder, and bullets from=20
Speer

And Hornady's soft-points, and Nosler's Partitions
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press
With dies from Pacific, and RCBS

When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed for my Mossberg, and whipped out my Colt.
As I spilled Hodgdon's powder all over the shelf
I scrambled for cover, just to pro-tect myself

From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting
Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from
Clinton's cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto

Were these rogue federal agents, sent by Schumer and Reno?
Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad need of Beano?
My question was answered with a knock, and some sneezing,
"It's Santa, you moron, lemme in there, I'm freezing!"

I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door wide,
To find St. Nick a'shivvering, Rudolph by his side
He eyeballed my Springfield, with a nod of approval
"You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."

"But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you"
Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow
My .357, 'till day after tomorrow

"It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
"I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association"
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
"I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"

"And you see, Dave ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
"Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to serve us
"So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents a'stackin'
"I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'

"And my gift for you this year, should give you a hoot
"I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the boot!
"Now, Rudy and I must be on our way"
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his sleigh

With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his pocket
He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a rocket
With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare
I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear

As he faded from view, I could still hear him calling
"From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling
"To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta
"I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with Santa!"

(To my barber: thanks, bro. Keep your powder dry, and well . . . you know.)