Sheepdog Strategies, 5

Continued from "Sheepdog Strategies, 4"

"If it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer, and if it still doesn't work, get a bigger hammer." It is part of the typical American male psyche to think that the 8lb sledge hammer -- as opposed to the 12 -- was made for delicate work.

A little of that attitude goes a long way when you're doing everyday maintenance -- like watch repair. But real disaster results when you use the metaphorical hammer to drive points home to your womenfolk. Especially if they've been hurt by the "women are helpless" message of certain subcultures.

Even a woman with a healthy self-confidence will be put off by, "Me Tarzan; you Jane."

I remember a rather diminutive woman in our jujitsu class. One day, when she was still a white belt, I was working as her partner on wrist escapes. She confided in me a problem she had at home.

"My husband wanted me to show him what I learned in class, so I told him to grab my wrist. He just grinned at me, as I tried to escape, but couldn't."

As you know, any new technique requires partner cooperation, at first. Then gradually, as you learn the mechanics of the technique, the partner ceases cooperating, becoming passive. Then the partner resists, and, finally, the technique is placed in a dynamic give-and-take context.

This woman was still in the cooperating-partner stage, and her husband used her inexperience to "prove" his male superiority. Even a macho jerk is still a jerk.

I asked her if she had snap-kicked his groin or poked a finger in his eye (all Goshin Ryu techniques are taught with such diversions) to distract him. She said, "No," that she would never do that to her husband. In that, he is blessed -- he is a providentially blessed, egotistical moron.

My point (hand me the 12lb sledge) is this: If a woman in your life resists learning to defend herself, it's a better than 50/50 chance that YOU ARE APPROACHING HER ALL WRONG. You can't approach her the way you would another guy and expect her to say, "Okay, let's go." It doesn't work.

Continued in "Sheepdog Strategies, 6"